Amortentia and Pumpkins

Human's have approximately 12,000-50,000 thoughts a day. I'm just trying to get as much of mine out as possible.

Month: December, 2013

Unique Selling Point

by amortentiaandpumpkins

Today, I went to the cinema with my family, where I saw someone I knew from high school. I don’t mean to sound dramatic, but that person was my nemesis back in high school. How and why? Long story short: she was a friend, and then went behind my back and started making my life hell for a bit. I think what I hated most was how I let her get under my skin.

There she was, dressed like she was about to walk on a run way, and there I was, looking like I was ready for bed. She was decked from head to toe with designer (although, probably fake) and make up. I, on the other hand, had no make up, and with my newly short haircut, resembled a 13 year old boy. A feminine one though, with my pink scarf, might I add. Something that hadn’t been in my system for a long time started creeping back in: insecurity. I hadn’t felt this way in quite a while. It’s what seeing people from high school does to you I guess. But I didn’t like this feeling. In fact, I wanted to run out of the movie theatre there and then, just to get rid of this feeling. But instead, as I waited in the popcorn queue, I started thinking about a few things.

Right, so I probably don’t have much going for me, compared to her. I don’t turn up to normal places looking like a supermodel. I don’t have this winning personality, or the brain of Einstein. I don’t have any extraordinary talents, frankly speaking. But what do I have? And it hit me. There IS something going for me. I found my USP*.

Let me rewind back to when I was describing and contrasting my appearance to the girl from my high school. I realized that what she’s doing is an illusion. The make up. The threads. The excessiveness of it all. Does anyone really know what’s behind all that? A quick (and slightly regrettable) scan through her Facebook went to show that what everyone sees is a grand facade. Granted, maybe there are a few people that see the “real” her. But then I think about me. It’s not just my appearance. But let’s start there for argument’s sake: I have honestly stopped caring too much. Yes, there are days and occasions where I will make the effort to look nice, like a birthday party or date. But the cinema with my family? I’ll stick to my jeggings, Ugg boots and unkempt hair, thank you very much. I want to be comfortable! Then in terms of my attitude, my persona… I like being silly. I like being crazy, and quirky, and I like showing how I feel. I like crying in front of people, because I want people to know exactly how I feel. I don’t want to hide. I want to expose myself, all of me. Because I feel closer to others. I feel like, why hide? What’s the point? It just builds up, and rather than reaching a bursting point, it’s better to slowly let everything out in the process. 

Erving Goffman, a fantastic sociologist, puts it very well: social life is like a play. Everybody has their “front stage” which is basically what they let others see of themselves, and their “backstage” to relax and let yourself go. And when it comes to me, well let’s just say, I’m not afraid to dish out VIP passes. 

With that in mind, I held my head up high, and walked straight past her. 

*USP stands for “Unique Selling Point,” which, in business terms, pretty much means the attribute a product possesses that makes people want to buy it. Being a Marketing major, I couldn’t resist using this term. 

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Sound Waves

by amortentiaandpumpkins

I used to listen to music for the melody,

Listening to the lyrics felt like a felony,

I never took in the words of the songs,

Lacking the experience, it just felt wrong,

I never felt the emotions so real,

I had no idea how to really feel,

Until he came along, showed me the ropes,

My faith was restored, he gave me hope,

Finally it all started to make sense,

The power of it all was truly immense,

Finally I understood that four letter word,

Before, in my presence, it was left unheard,

At least it was empty, loaded, nonsensical,

A word that was once incomprehensible,

But the chemicals reacted, the music and him,

The songs, heavenly, just like the hymns

I heard as a child, in a hollow room,

Never the spiritual type, but deep in the gloom,

A light finally shines, and it dawns on me,

Slowly, ever so slowly, it was meant to be,

My captain. He rides slowly in the sound waves,

Calm, and my body, I finally feel safe,

And the music forever echoes, into my ears,

Eradicating all my worries, all of my fears. 

Timing

by amortentiaandpumpkins

An hourglass hanging from a necklace chain,

A clock to show you missed the last train,

Now you’re wondering where to spend the night,

You decide to go watch the city’s lights,

A cold harbour, but you dare to venture farther,

But with each gust, it feels just a little bit harder,

But you reach a spot, and you feel satisfied,

View of the black sea, the sound is amplified,

But you feel serene, until a tap of the shoulder,

You turn around, suddenly you feel colder,

A ghost from the past, at the coast at last,

You’re wondering whether to get away fast,

For you were let down before, it may happen again,

Who knows how long it’ll take for the wounds to mend,

But something tells you, the look in their eyes,

This time there will be no troubles, no lies.

You allow yourself a small smile, a reciprocation,

A little bit of an urge, a little temptation,

You keep some distance, don’t send any signals,

But you can’t help it, you feel a little tingle,

Down your spine, you’re going out of your mind,

Before you know it, their hands start to find

The back of your neck, start of with a peck,

You should, but you don’t ask for a rain check,

There are no fireworks in the sky, but in you head,

You’re feeling dizzy, but you go on ahead,

A simple kiss, but a fall into the abyss,

The fear that you’re going to hit but miss,

You pull away with that thought lingering,

You feel the wind again, you’re shivering,

Pursed lips, you say it’s time to go,

Thank you very much, hope you enjoyed the show.

 

 

 

Stars

by amortentiaandpumpkins

I saw a perfect triangle tonight.

A constellation, terrifying, bright,

Blinding my eyes, although it may seem,

The stars do not significantly beam.

Significance is key, forget the objective perspective,

When you look at the sky, it’s about being perceptive,

Believing in what you see, rather than the tangible,

Although it burns, you’re incapable of being infallible.

They meant something more than you could imagine,

They meant more than you could ever even fathom,

And yet despite being a small part of a bigger picture,

It feels like you, out of everyone, got the taste of the elixir,

Life seemed unfair, you were constantly unsure,

Until you glanced up, taking in all of its allure,

At that moment, your whole being felt secure,

You were reborn, flawless and pure.

I saw a perfect triangle tonight,

I don’t know what it meant, I don’t know if I’m right,

The geometric beauty, grasping for a message,

To bring your life out of chaos, madness and wreckage.

Trust

by amortentiaandpumpkins

I think that one of the biggest ironies of this world is trust.

Trust is something we consciously hold as important and precious, yet it is one thing we can give away, blindly and completely subconsciously, to complete strangers.

We put trust in the chefs that have produced the food that we consume in restaurants. How do we know our food doesn’t contain poison? Or some disease or bacteria, like E Coli? We have no definite way of knowing. Yet do we ever consider it before digging our fork in that steak, or pie, or whatever you are fully enjoying eating, and putting it in our mouths? No. Never. Don’t lie.

How about that cab ride back home? A little full. Maybe a little tipsy on that wine, no? Ok, so we’re doing that sensible thing by not driving ourselves. But how do we know that the cab driver isn’t bombed himself? Or maybe he’s really tired and drifting somewhere between being awake and in deep sleep. Or… He could be a criminal on a getaway ride and you happened to hail his cab and he had no choice but to let you in so he could take all you valuables and leave you stranded. But you never think about that. You think about getting from A to B and your biggest worry is probably only do you have enough to pay for the ride.

It’s crazy how we can put our lives in the hands of strangers. But sharing a so-called secret with people you consider as your closest and dearest? No… You would think twice. It probably isn’t even life or death.

Ironic, isn’t it?

Silly Me

by amortentiaandpumpkins

Silly me. A paper and pen in hand, but for all the wrong purposes.

It was supposed to be purely academic,

And then it hit me and the world became psychedelic.

Blinded by white moonlight, and the fire in my lighter,

Desire. The burning in my lungs feels required.

Silly me. Like a big wave, it hit me, and I lost my balance.

But the tide pulls in, and I suffer from it’s absense,

The withdrawal symptoms. I can’t breathe,

Only with it’s touch I can be freed.

A three tier cake, with it’s many layers,

This game can never have too many players,

The baggage only comes and goes on a conveyor

Belt. Until then I’ll go ahead and say my prayers.

Silly me.