by amortentiaandpumpkins

If someone asked me what the best gift someone could give me would be, I would reply with Freedom. 

I have grown up in a household where I have always felt that I have never been able to be who I really am. I feel like every single day is another day on set. I have to play a certain characters and meet the expectations of the director, otherwise there is no place for me at home. 

I had to listen to my parents tell me today that if I don’t comply with their set of rules, then I better get out of the house.

I’ve never been myself around them. Never been able to tell them my true desires. Never been able to make the jokes that I feel free making around anyone else. They keep going on about how home is one place where you can be who you are and not worry what others think. I feel the completely opposite applies to me; I am more myself when I’m in university, in a shopping mall, at the doctors, on the street, in a different country, than I am at home. It sometimes leads me to believe I have never really had a true home. Never felt comfortable in a place that I should be calling home. 

All I have ever wanted is freedom. Nothing has ever mattered more. You would think, at age 19, living AWAY from home for most of the year, I wouldn’t have to worry about this shit anymore. You’d be surprised. The feeling of belonging AT home and having the freedom of being who you are AT home is a gift worth sacrificing something for. Being understood by the people at home… if you know what this is like, you are incredibly lucky and blessed.