Lifesavers

by amortentiaandpumpkins

Even though it sometimes seems

That I don’t really care

You don’t know how much I wish to redeem

The moments that we could share.

 

It feels like I am still just a child

In an adult world of responsibilities

Never able to be reckless or wild

But always to you a liability.

 

Sometimes I get this terrible feeling

That my well-being isn’t your primary concern

More so that your reputation will fly out the ceiling

And that is why with me you are so stern.

 

You’re scared of what people will say

About your silly little girl

Because at the end of the day

Your status is what’s important in this world.

 

One time you even called me a whore,

I can hardly let those words sink

Simply because of the short skirt I wore

You said “What will people think?”

 

I’m too afraid to ever open to you,

Too terrified of how you will judge,

Too anxious to ask to go someplace new,

Too scared that you will not budge.

 

That’s why I act out the way I do,

That’s where all those cigarettes came from,

The reason I sometimes snap back at you,

The reason why in my head I drop the F-bomb.

 

I feel like I lead two separate lives

That are polar opposites of one another,

One where I am myself, where I feel alive,

Then the one where I follow the ideals of my mother.

 

You gave me the breath of life,

But are you really my life-savers?

Because when I’m on the edge of the knife,

I can never count on you as my saviours.

 

I wish to death we could be closer,

And at home there was freedom of speech,

I wish to have the courage to say “No sir,”

And for my own choir I start to preach.

 

But it seems like no matter how much

I try to follow your path, your ways,

I won’t always succeed as such

But know that I will love you always.

 

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