Even though it sometimes seems
That I don’t really care
You don’t know how much I wish to redeem
The moments that we could share.
It feels like I am still just a child
In an adult world of responsibilities
Never able to be reckless or wild
But always to you a liability.
Sometimes I get this terrible feeling
That my well-being isn’t your primary concern
More so that your reputation will fly out the ceiling
And that is why with me you are so stern.
You’re scared of what people will say
About your silly little girl
Because at the end of the day
Your status is what’s important in this world.
One time you even called me a whore,
I can hardly let those words sink
Simply because of the short skirt I wore
You said “What will people think?”
I’m too afraid to ever open to you,
Too terrified of how you will judge,
Too anxious to ask to go someplace new,
Too scared that you will not budge.
That’s why I act out the way I do,
That’s where all those cigarettes came from,
The reason I sometimes snap back at you,
The reason why in my head I drop the F-bomb.
I feel like I lead two separate lives
That are polar opposites of one another,
One where I am myself, where I feel alive,
Then the one where I follow the ideals of my mother.
You gave me the breath of life,
But are you really my life-savers?
Because when I’m on the edge of the knife,
I can never count on you as my saviours.
I wish to death we could be closer,
And at home there was freedom of speech,
I wish to have the courage to say “No sir,”
And for my own choir I start to preach.
But it seems like no matter how much
I try to follow your path, your ways,
I won’t always succeed as such
But know that I will love you always.