Inconsistency

by amortentiaandpumpkins

I feel that one of my biggest flaws is inconsistency. 

I feel like it is so difficult for me to follow through with anything that I have started. Starting something isn’t too difficult. I’m a pretty enthusiastic person; I get excited by the smallest of things. More excited than a regular person. But then the problem arises when I lose that excitement as quickly as I had gained it. That’s when I honestly couldn’t give a single fuck about anything. 

Here’s an example: at the beginning of this semester, I told myself that this is going to be the year where I will be consistent; I will attend every single class, get good grades as a result of this and working hard and most importantly, I will have followed through something to the end. But then, like always, I fuck everything up. I don’t know whether it’s me or the universe fucking with me, but when I got my midterm grades back, I realized that despite all the work and effort and time that I had put into my studies literally did not reap any rewards for me. Extremely discouraged by this, I stopped everything. I rarely went to class. I stopped completing most of my assignments. I half-arsed all my presentations. I just couldn’t be fucked. But then I realized, this isn’t helping either. Maybe when I was doing things right, I wasn’t actually doing them properly or something. I don’t know. But I feel like often I get so discouraged (whether it’s grades, or things people say to me, or just other factors) that I just feel like giving up.

But I have come to realize, that there is only one person that I can blame for my inconsistency: myself.

I realize can’t control what people say, or what my professors make of my abilities, or what the universe suddenly decides to conjure up my way. But I CAN control how I react to these things. I CAN control my emotions to some extent. I CAN start making more of an effort to drown out any words or actions of discouragement towards me, and start motivating myself. 

So I guess what I’m trying to say is that writing this blog will require a high level of consistency, something which I don’t exactly have the best track record for. But I guess I’ll try my best to stay consistent and post things as often as possible. 

So… wish me luck? 

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