The Mountain & Valley Theory
Do you ever feel like when you’ve hit rock bottom, you see this ray of hope? Like you know that even though things are pretty shitty right now, things WILL turn around? Of course you have. Everybody has. Even when you feel like there is nothing you can do to make anything better, deep inside you know that time heals all wounds. You will pick yourself up, hold your head up high and walk on towards better things. So when you’re sad, you’re kind of happy too.
Now you’re happy. You’re in a good place in your life. You feel like you’ve got all your shit sorted. Everything seems wonderful. The sun is shining. The birds are singing. Hallejuah. But then BAM. Your thoughts go into full speed. You start thinking about the future. The near future. The fact that what goes around comes around (I’m sorry to quote a song title, but it’s just so fitting!). You realize that because things are so good now, something terrible is BOUND to happen soon. You don’t even know how soon. Just soon. And so, while you’re at a happy place, the mere thought of something bad happening to you soon makes you feel sad. So when you’re happy, you reach a point where you’re sad, even though you’re at this happy stage.
I feel like I go through this all the time. I feel this constant cycle almost everywhere. When I am at a good place, I feel like the euphoria lasts so momentarily that it feels like it was never there in the first place. And when I feel like I’ve hit rock bottom, the thought of happiness makes me feel like I’m going insane. It’s such a strange predicament, and the worst part is that besides trying not to think about it constantly (which for me, it seems, is almost impossible), there really is no way of avoiding it.
Sorry if I have fucked up your mind.